


Petticoats & Roses

by Bespectacled_Geek



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Regency, Borderline crack, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M, Fantasy, Humor, Not Beta Read, Romance, Work In Progress, revision
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-28
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2018-08-11 14:40:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7896616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bespectacled_Geek/pseuds/Bespectacled_Geek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A mysterious book has captured Raven and Robin. Where have they been sent and what will they do to get out? And why is Beast Boy suddenly the guy with all the answers?</p><p>Or: </p><p>Through the means of a magic book, Raven and Robin end up stuck in a Regency romance while their friends in the real world try to get them out.</p><p>This work is cross-posted on fanfiction.net, although each chapter is being revised and updated through chapter twenty before I continue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dreamcatcher Visits a Convention

**Author's Note:**

> Dear Reader, 
> 
> You have undeniably chosen to read this work of fiction because your interest has been sparked by the summary, or perhaps your friend has recommended it to you. Let me thank you for that, because it does make me feel so much better to see that people are reading this. But this is not an ordinary literary work. For you see, I am not an ordinary author. Actually, I am not a person at all. In reality, I am a dusty old book that normally sits on the anonymous shelf in the Library of Congress. I don’t even have a name; everyone just calls me “THE BOOK”. If you think of a suitable name for me, please tell me; I’m quite tired of being called “THE BOOK”. 
> 
> Back to the reason you are reading this lengthy author’s note in the first place. Let me explain that everything that happens in this story has happened to me. I really was captured and used for nefarious purposes by one Dreamcatcher, and rescued by the Teen Titans, minus two. I was kept in the Titans’ Tower for almost a year until my story ended. For that is my purpose; I was created to write stories. Once the tale came to a close, I was sent off to the Library of Congress, where an unsuspecting fan fiction writer checked me out. As for Bespectacled_Geek, please do NOT tell her I am using her account to make my chronicle known to the world. She’d probably return me to the library immediately, and then you poor fan fiction lovers would be without your story. So let’s just keep this our little secret, shall we?
> 
> Even though I myself play a role in this little tale, I have written it in the third person as well; it seems easiest to me. Now, this author’s note is getting to be dreadfully long, so I think I’ll just end it here.  
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK

The Dreamcatcher, though one of the world’s lesser known nefarious villains, was in no way less malicious than the rest. She intended to conquer the world just as much as the next guy. Despite her harmless appearance, she was malevolent down to her evil bones. The Dreamcatcher wore a spandex suit of ebony and crimson (to signify her evil nature) with the image of a sleeping child caught in a net emblazoned on her chest. She had no powers of her own, only ambition. While she wanted to take over the universe, she needed something to help her. Her only other recourse was to fall into a vat of toxic waste, and she wouldn’t even think of damaging her precious hair.

(Dreamcatcher spent hours obsessing over her hair. You wouldn’t believe how many hours she spent in the bathroom before going out for a super fight. Every new fight involved a new hairdo. She tried curls, layers, waves, straighteners, special blow dryers, and even the beehive. That woman needed a life. And that’s coming from a book that’s sitting next to this computer using its telekinesis to type this sentence.)

So the Dreamcatcher turned to the Black Market for Evil Supervillains Bent on Destroying the Planet. B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. for short. At first, Dreamcatcher was quite disappointed by the lack of suitable merchandise offered by B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. She sampled everything. She looked on all the bids of E(vil)-bay. She checked in the B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P..’s retail chain. (You can probably find it in your local mall. I believe they disguise it as a bridal shop, BRIDES-R-US. You walk up to the front counter and ask for a flower girl dress, size 7 ½. The clerk informs you that they don’t have any in the front, and tells you to follow her to the back. Et voila! You’re in the inner sanctum of B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P..’s retail operation.) She visited the B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. Flea Market (where they even sell fleas. Not ordinary ones, though. Evil fleas.) Dreamcatcher failed to find anything in this country that would suit her criminal needs.

Thus, the Dreamcatcher turned her search to other countries' B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P..s. She visited Austria, Zimbabwe, China, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Chile, Berenia (the known originator of all B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. evil), and some other little-known countries. But nothing caught her attention. She'd traveled all around the world, but could find nothing with which to destroy it. Consequently, she repeated herself. She went back to all the B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. locations she could remember. And suddenly, while attending a B.M.F.E.S.B.O.D.T.P.. convention in Berenia, she came upon it.

“It’s beautiful… in the evil-take-over-the-world sense. What is it?” 

It happened to be a thick cobalt book with gilded edges, around five hundred pages or so. Even though the book looked particularly old, ever single one of its five hundred pages were blank. There was absolutely nothing written anywhere on its leaves. It was because of its spellbinding exterior and mysterious interior that she interrogated the questionable booth keeper. His reply was enough to contain a whole textbook about the history of this volume, but for the sake of saving you a lot of dry reading I shall sum it up.

“This… is… _**THE BOOK**_!" (Yes. Dramatic pauses and everything. He even had some ominous music playing in the background during his explanation with the occasional clap of thunder. I was, quite flattered, to be treated in such a manner, but I want you to understand, I am by no means evil. I'm just a book. If I were evil, I would have taken over the world already.)

“Well, I can see that. It's clearly a book,” Dreamcatcher replied.

“Not just a book, _**THE BOOK**_." He turned it dramatically so she could see the gold lettering on the spine. "I got it from my friend in Budapest, who got it from a nemesis in Toledo, who got it from a shifty bookstore owner in Milan, who got from a suspicious caravan leader in Cairo, who in turn got it from a deceitful merchant in Transylvania…"

It was at this point that Dreamcatcher interrupted him.

“Is this speech going to end anytime soon?”

“Don’t worry, I’m almost there. Where was I?”

“The deceitful merchant in Transylvania.”

“Oh, right. The deceitful merchant in Transylvania got it from an untrustworthy thief in Florin. The thief claims he pinched it from the Library of King Bladorstaff the II. If that’s true, this book has the same appearance and texture as _**THE BOOK**_. Legend has it that _**THE BOOK**_ was the same book that Count Rugen intended to write the definitive book on pain in, but he never got the chance, seeing as he was brutally murdered by Inigo Montoya.”

“No way!” Dreamcatcher exclaimed, interest piqued. “Count Rugen is my favorite villain of the eighteenth century!”

"Wait, there's more. In his will, Count Rugen bequeathed _**THE BOOK**_ to Prince Humperdinck.”

“This keeps getting better and better! Prince Humperdinck inspired me to take up villainy."

"How interesting," the booth-keeper continued. "King Humperdinck the Tyrant had it enchanted by an evil wizard to create new bedtime stories for himself every night. The wizard botched the spell so now it has the power to bend reality."

"Perfect." She rubbed her hands together. "How much?"

"$10,000."

Even though, that was how much money she had left in the world (her extensive travels had cost her much of the meager income she had made working as the receptionist at a hair salon), she bought _**THE BOOK**_ anyways. Later that night, a penniless Dreamcatcher robbed a bank and got off Scot-free.

And so it was that a now prosperous Dreamcatcher returned to the States to wreak her peculiar brand of havoc on the world with the help of _**THE**_ (unwilling) _**BOOK**_.


	2. THE BOOK Becomes a Swirling Vortex of Terror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Teen Titans battle the Dreamcatcher with an unexpected result.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> It pleases me to see you've returned to my little endeavor. It would make me ecstatic to hear from you. I'm a book; I have no life.
> 
> Anyway, this next chapter was a little harder to figure out, considering I wasn't with the Titans when they got the alarm that Dreamcatcher was attacking the city. I was actually partially doing the attacking myself since Dreamcatcher used me to complete her goal of total world domination. 
> 
> Because I did not essentially witness this part myself, I had to call upon my powers of telepathy. Yes, I'm a book that can read minds. Don't act as if you've never heard of the possibility. I'm also using my mind to type this since it would be very odd for Bespectacled_Geek (who still doesn't know I'm using her identity) to wake up at three in the morning to find the inconspicuous book she checked out from the library hopping on the keyboard typing out this author's note.  
> I'm rambling again. The quickest cure to rambling I have found is to cut this note short. So here I go…  
> Sincerely,
> 
> THE BOOK

Raven usually never concerned herself with trivial matters, such as a new insane lawbreaker trying to take over the world. And today would be like all the rest, she promised herself. Not even a fresh supervillain would faze her.

As she flew over to the scene, however, she felt doubt creeping up on her. In the distance, the new villain stood in the middle of the street, holding a curious blue object. Raven soared in closer, observing that the object in question was a book. She frowned as she took in the mysteriously blank pages.

Raven pondered this oddity for a moment before the appearance of an enormous Godzilla-like monster snapped her out of her reverie. The monster swung its tail at her and swiped with a giant claw as Raven ducked and maneuvered out of its way. She flew over the monster’s head to land behind it. Raven stepped toward the villain, who smirked and began what Raven though was an incantation. The book in her hand glowed as five more monster appeared out of thin air. 

"Raven!" Robin called to her. Raven dove to join the other assembled Titans. She alighted on the ground as it shook under the weight of six monsters attacking Jump City.

“She’s creating the monsters,” Raven explained. “I don’t know how, but if I could get closer maybe I could stop her."

“Each of you pick a different monster,” Robin commanded. “We'll concentrate on her when we take all these things. Teen Titans go!"

And with that, each of the Titans ran off to take down the fell offenders.

Raven bit her lip as she concentrated on ripping a nearby lamp post out of the concrete. The wires sparked dangerously, catching the attention of the monster. It stumbled toward her. Raven took a moment to center herself before using her powers to stab the monster in the gut. It took all her concentration, but the lamppost sliced through the monster's flesh like water. The monster gurgled as it coughed up blood before it sank to the ground and collapsed against the side of a skyscraper, dead. Raven poked the dead monster with her foot to make sure it wouldn’t get back up before turning her attention to her friends. Beast Boy roared past her in the shape of a lion, biting his monster on one of the legs while Starfire blasted hers with starbolts. Cyborg and Robin were similarly occupied.

Raven noticed a glow coming from around the street corner and flew over, anxious to finish this fight. She peeked around and saw the woman standing in front of Jump City National. Her book glowed ominously as money poured out of the bank and into a large sack at the woman’s feet. Raven enveloped a nearby manhole cover with her dark power and flung it at the woman’s exposed back. To her surprise, the manhole cover stopped short and fell to the ground, harmless.

“Fool!” The woman cackled as she turned around. “No one catches the Dreamcatcher by surprise.” Her crimson domino mask glinted as the book in her hand glowed brighter. “Looks like it’s time for Chapter Two. The beast wasn’t dead. It rose up behind her . . .” T

he ground trembled as Raven ran back to the street where she had left her friends. The dead monster climbed to its feet, evidently no longer dead, and pulled the lamppost from its belly as if nothing had happened. The lamppost clattered to the ground as the monster set its sight on her. The hole in its stomach had begun to fill in with a disgusting slurp.

"This is not good," Raven muttered to herself. The creature picked her up in its dirt encrusted claws and roared in her face. Raven recoiled at the nauseating smell and squirmed, trying to break free as the monster brought her closer... closer… and closer to its gaping mouth.

Without warning, the beast howled and relaxed his grip, allowing Raven to wriggle free. Raven floated down to find Robin repeatedly stabbing the monster's pinky toe. Raven found a car parked nearby and flung it into the monster's chest. The beast's image crinkled, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke. Robin fell from his position on top of the monstrous creature's toe to the pavement below, where he landed in perfect form.

"I think Dreamcatcher’s power comes from that book she's holding,” Raven explained as she landed next to him. “Distract her so I can get it out of her hands."

Robin ran off to do as bidden, grappling with the force field projected by Dreamcatcher for her protection. Raven searched among the rubble for a suitable weapon. The coarse bricks scratched her. She found one lobbed it toward the book. 

"Duck!"

The brick glowed black as it hurtled through the air. When Robin dropped down, the brick collided with the book and knocked it from the Dreamcatcher's hands. It glowed pure white upon impact. As it crashed to the ground, a rainbow-colored vortex burst from the fluttering pages. Raven grabbed a nearby mailbox for stability. . The portal sucked up Robin almost immediately. He disappeared in a flash of blue light. "Stay back," Raven screamed to the others as she lost her grip on the mailbox. The gusts of wind whipped through her hair. She flew forward but could not move. Raven hovered for a few minutes as the force of her flight equalled the force pulling her into the portal.The strain was too much; she mustered one last burst of energy before the portal swallowed her whole. 

* * *

 

After a while, the eddy collapsed in on itself and fizzled out. The glowing dimmed slowly, until all that was left was a closed book. Dreamcatcher crawled out from beneath the rubble. She dragged herself toward the book. 

"Oh, no you don't." Cyborg sprinted over and seized her by the collar. "Where are Raven and Robin?"

“I don’t know,” she sniveled. “ _ **THE BOOK**_ could have sent them anywhere.” She wiped her nose on her sleeve, trying her best to look meek and innocent.

“What are you talking about, woman?”

"Friend Cyborg, I believe she is talking about this book of reading," Starfire commented as she picked up the book. She flipped through the pages anxiously. "Friend Beast Boy, I do not know much about books of reading, but are there not words that cover the pages?"

"Yeah," Beast Boy responded. "They usually have words. Why do you ask?"

"Because this book of reading is blank!"

"What!" Beast Boy exclaimed. Cyborg dragged Dreamcatcher over to Starfire while Beast Boy peered over her shoulder at the naked pages. He snatched THE BOOK from her hands and flipped through it himself.

"What is going on?" Cyborg shouted at Dreamcatcher. "You have five minutes to start explaining before I punch you senseless!"

Dreamcatcher cringed. "Okay! Okay. They've gone inside the book. I don't know where they are or what will happen to them. What I do know is that every day new words will be added to the Book. You can read what is happening to them."

"And how do they get out?" Cyborg asked.

"They can't. However, once the story is finished, the Book will teleport them back." Dreamcatcher answered.

"Well then. In the name of justice, we're confiscating this book." Cyborg peered at her, adding, "You're nothing without it, aren't you?" Dreamcatcher nodded. Cyborg grinned as one does when one is correct, and turned to his two teammates, who were in the midst of a hugging and crying session. "And in the name of bacon, will y'all stop your bawling and 'cuff this fiend?"

Beast Boy cut off the waterworks and handcuffed Dreamcatcher's hands behind her back. Starfire, however, ignored this order and continued to empty her tear ducts. "Oh, this is horrible!" She attempted to hug Beast Boy again, but seeing as he was busy handcuffing the perpetrator, she settled for Cyborg. "We will never see Friends Raven and Robin again!"

"Careful," Cyborg reprimanded and removed _**THE BOOK** _ from the line of fire. "We don't want anything to touch the Book. This is our only connection to them."

"I am sorry," Starfire apologized, drying her tears.

Beast Boy, who was more than done handcuffing Dreamcatcher by now, returned to the group and took the Book from Starfire. He turned to the first page and squealed, "Look!"

"What is it?" Cyborg asked.

"Hello…" Beast Boy said sarcastically, waving his hands in front of Cyborg's eyes. "Can you not see where my finger is pointing? We have a title!" And he was right. _Petticoats & Roses_ appeared in elegant script in the center of the first page.

"Petticoats?" Starfire asked, perplexed. "What is a petticoats?" She turned to Cyborg who shook his head back and forth.

"Dude, I don't know!" Cyborg replied.

"Duh, a petticoat is a skirt worn under another skirt or dress during… the olden times," Beast Boy explained. Cyborg and Starfire looked at him quizzically.

"What? I know stuff."

"Do I want to know?" Cyborg asked.

"Probably not." Beast Boy answered. “Listen, police sirens.”

A Crown Victoria pulled onto the damaged street. It parked alongside the mailbox. The sirens shut off but the lights stayed on as Detective Green stepped out in a sharp green suit.

"Detective Green," Cyborg greeted him."Good thing you're here."

"The bashing of the villains was quite strenuous,” Starfire added.

Detective Green looked at each of the three Titans in turn. "Aren't there five of you?" he asked. "Don't I normally talk to Robin? And where's the gloomy chick?"

"They are in here," Starfire answered, motioning to _**THE BOOK**_ in Cyborg’s hands. Detective Green looked back and forth from the serious faces on each of the Titans to _**THE BOOK**_ and burst out laughing.

"What is it?" Starfire asked. "I do not find this situation amusing."

Detective Green paused mid-hysteric laughing fit. Sweat beaded on his brown skin as he loosened his collar. "Wait. You guys weren't kidding."

The Titans nodded.

"Well… um…" Detective Green continued, clearly embarrassed. "I'll take that scoundrel off your hands, and… um… leave you to your reading."

He turned to Dreamcatcher and commanded, "Get in the car." Dreamcatcher grunted as Detective Green shoved her into the backseat. He slammed the door on her and hopped into the front seat before driving off, leaving the Titans behind with the mysterious blank novel.

"So now what?" Beast Boy put forward.

Cyborg paused and seemed to be in a state of intense concentration until he offered up a suggestion. "Well, I guess we should just bring it back to the tower and wait for tomorrow. I don't know 'bout ya'll, but I am dying for some answers."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear lord, my writing style has changed. This chapter experienced heavy revisions. I'm still not quite happy with it but I'm trying to post three chapters a day so I can post the new material soon and then work on the other ideas I've got in my head. Stupid plot bunnies won't leave me alone.


	3. Inside THE BOOK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven makes a disconcerting discovery while falling through the vortex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> You are undoubtedly enjoying perusing this chronicle of true events, or else you wouldn't be reading this. I must say, the fact that you are even reading this surprised me. I started this in order to get the truth out, as keeping it in was killing me in a metaphorical way. I'm a book; I'm not designed to keep secrets. The only book I know designed to keep secrets is a personal friend of mine, The Name of This Book is Secret. I met it while Band Geek Letter 1 was in the process of rereading it. It is a highly entertaining read; I suggest you go out and find it.
> 
> Anyways, last week I was not forced to keep my typing acts clandestine, because Bespectacled_Geek was off on a family vacation. As she was gone most of the day, I had no trouble at all using this computer. Naturally, I'm not as tired as I was a few weeks ago from staying up into the wee hours of the morning to make sure you get your share of story. But I digress.
> 
> You're just here for the story, aren't you? Very well, I shall continue.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK

If you've ever fallen down a portal, you will know that it's not the most pleasant experience. But, since I doubt any of you have ever flown in a vortex, I shall do my best to describe it for you. Imagine yourself, as if you were in a dream. You are asleep. You awaken to the sound of the wind, and lots of it. You open your eyes and see the multi-hued walls of the vortex spinning around you. You are falling; there is nothing to hold on to.

Now that I've described the portal, I feel I shall begin this part again. If you've ever fallen down a portal, you will know that it's not the most pleasant experience. Especially when one was fighting a super villain the minute before and suddenly found themselves falling. Raven was tremendously surprised when she found herself in the rainbow vortex. The last thing she remembered was the glowing white book. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Raven felt the wind whirling around her before she even opened her eyes. She knew she was plummeting to who knows what, but she didn't let that worry her. She concentrated and teleported out of the portal. Or, that was the plan, anyways. She opened her eyes to find herself still falling. Trying again only caused the same failure. She tried once more, yet the walls did not recede. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get out.

So Raven just floated there for a while, thinking she should just go with the flow.

That is until she heard a small voice call out her name.

"Raven? Is that you?" The voice called out to her. It seemed the voice came from all directions, so she looked in all directions until she found its source. Robin fell below her, a familiarity in a world of uncertainty.

"Who else would it be?" she answered sarcastically.

"I don't know, I thought I saw Napoleon Bonaparte earlier," he teased.

"Very funny," she answered. "Look, it's so funny I'm not even laughing."

Robin ignored this last comment and instead asked, "Can you teleport us out of here?"

"No. I already tried that.” She paused for a moment. "You know, this would be easier if I didn't have to yell everything I've said. I'm going to have no voice tomorrow if we keep this up."

"Here," he screamed back. "I'm firing a grappling hook. Grab the end and I'll reel you in." A small yellow hook shot out from his utility belt and passed Raven by. She grasped it, holding tightly as Robin pulled her through the portal. She didn't let go until she could converse with Robin at a comfortable distance.

"That's better," she remarked.

"Do you have any idea what's happening?" he asked. "Because I am thoroughly confused. Weren't we just fighting a super villain?"

"Not really," she answered. "The only explanation I have is going to sound a little crazy."

"Raven," he put bluntly. "We're falling through a swirling vortex of terror to who knows where. I don't think anything you have to say is going to sound crazy. At this point, I'm still glad to have my sanity."

"Fine. Have you ever seen The Princess Bride?"

“No.”

"You haven't? We'll have to fix that when we get back."

"If we ever get back…" Robin mumbled.

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be the ever positive optimist? Anyway, in the movie, one of the villains, Count Rugen, wants to write the definitive book on pain, but died before he could. His best friend, Prince Humperdinck, kept the blank book he was going to write in. Years later, King Humperdinck had the book enchanted. According to the legend, it can write itself and send people into its stories. It's really weird."

"Since it's the only explanation we've got it'll have to do."

The swirling increased rapidly and the wind picked up speed.

"Do you feel that?" Raven asked him. Suddenly, she found herself struggling to stay next to him.

"I can't keep this up!" Robin shouted. "I'm treading air!"

Raven held out her hands so he could grab on. The wind sped up again as she lost grip on one of his hands. The other he held on to as if it were his last hope. She looked down. A shimmery pool approached them at a fast pace. Raven turned back only to find that she had lost her grip. She reached out her other hand to grab him as he slipped through her fingers. With nothing to hold him back, Robin fell. The pool glittered as he plunged in. Raven only had time to scream, "Rob…" before she, too, was pulled like a magnet toward the pool. As she fell, she looked up to the familiar Jump City skyline one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually kind of impressed with myself for revising and posting three chapters in one day. Hopefully I can keep this up the rest of the week.


	4. An Introduction to Lady Roth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven wakes up in a strange new world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,  
> I see you have returned yet again to my venture. Thanks for that, I appreciate your reading. It makes me feel loved. Although, I still have to wonder how I am capable of feeling love, seeing as I am a book. That is still one of the many mysteries I have yet to figure out. I had thought about asking the Evil Wizard who created me, but during my time with the suspicious caravan leader, I learned that that idea was entirely impossible. Not only was he deceased; he probably wouldn't have answered me anyway. Plus, he might be surprised to find his creation speaking to him. I can talk; I just choose not to. If I did, the government would probably have me sent to some high tech laboratory for dissection. I like my binding glued together, thank you very much.
> 
> Anyways, this next part is the beginning of my actual story, Petticoats & Roses. However, I have decided not to include the entirety of my novel, seeing as this story is based on Raven, Robin, and their friends reading the book. Any actual part of the book will be in italics.
> 
> So, without further ado…
> 
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK

"Friend Cyborg, may we now look in the book of reading?" Starfire asked for the forty-seventh time.

"For the forty-seventh time Star, we can't look in the Book until Beast Boy gets his lazy butt out of bed," Cyborg replied. Starfire pouted, slamming face first into the couch.

"Starfire? You there?" Beast Boy asked. 

"Beast Boy!" She exclaimed. "You have returned from your journey into the Dreamland! Now we can do the reading of the book!" She embraced Beast Boy and Cyborg in a bone-crushing hug.

"Okay, Star." Cyborg attempted to wriggle free from Starfire's impromptu group hug."To get the book I need to be mobile."

"Right." She released him. The group made their way to the Book, which was sitting on the coffee table. Cyborg carefully picked up the book and opened to the second page.

"Ooh, jackpot! We have words!" Cyborg shouted.

"What's it say? What's it say?" Starfire asked.

"Hold on," Cyborg commanded. "I'll read it out loud."

He cleared his voice.

"Chapter One. Lady Rachel Roth was a young woman of great con-ce-kance?"

"Consequence." Beast Boy interrupted.

"Right, consequence."

"Friend Beast Boy, what is the meaning of this word?" Starfire inquired.

"It means she's important." He answered.

"Since you seem to know so much, why don't you read it?" Cyborg suggested.

"Okay, maybe I will."

* * *

 

_Chapter One_

_Lady Rachel Roth was a young woman of great consequence, being equal parts beauty and wealth. Throughout the whole of England, rumors of Rachel’s reputed beauty spread far and wide. She was known for her pretty face, large amethyst eyes that seemed to sparkle in every light, hair dark as ebony, and the palest complexion in England, and perhaps the whole world._

_The subject of her wealth was no dampening matter. Being the only child of the deceased Count Roth, who died only last year, and Countess Roth, who died giving birth, she had a fortune of fifty thousand pounds. Naturally, she still needed a guardian until marriage, and that was precisely where she was headed in her carriage that day. She was off to the home of her uncle, Sir Henry Loring_ _._

_Despite these good qualities, Lady Rachel was infamous as being the most sought after young heiress. She had so many marriage proposals that there was currently a line for those wishing to propose. But Lady Rachel was determined to marry for love, and so she refused every single gentleman that came her way…_

* * *

 

The wooden wheels rattled along the dirt road. Raven stirred at the sound, then stilled as she felt herself in a dress rather than her suit. Raven closed her eyes tighter and reached a hand toward the plush, velvet, seat cushion beneath her. She pinched herself to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

However, this pinch caused her to realize two things. She was most certainly not dreaming. Worried, Raven kicked a leg out and felt the fabric of a skirt. Without a doubt, it was a dress. 

Raven was scared of what she might find if she dared to open her eyes. But she was Raven, who, as we all know, doesn't do fear, and besides, she couldn't keep her eyes closed forever.

What she found was not entirely what she expected. She sat in a richly furnished carriage decorated with gold leaf filigree. Her lavender and cream striped gown crinkled as she sat up. Raven blinked in surprise at the portrait of a woman on the other side of the carriage. Were it not for the skin and hair, she could be looking at a replica of herself. Instead of the usual gray, the woman's skin was pale, almost an alabaster complexion. Her dark hair sat piled on her head under a lavender bonnet.

Raven gave a gasp when she realized she was looking at her reflection in a mirror. Or, at least, she tried to. It is quite hard to breathe in a corset. (Or at least that's what I've been told. Being a book, I've never actually had the misfortune of wearing a corset. But I am sure if I had, I would have been extremely uncomfortable.)

"Lady Roth, are you quite well?" A voice asked all of the sudden.

It was then that Raven realized she was not alone. A pretty girl of about twenty sat next to her, maid's cap slightly askew on her poorly made bun, and apron slightly disheveled, but Raven thought she was concerned. And seeing as there was no one else in the vehicle, Raven assumed that she was this "Lady Roth" that the maid addressed.

"I'm fine," Raven replied, and then tried to gasp again (having not learned her lesson the first time). The voice that projected from her mouth was most decidedly hers. Yet something was different.

It was English.

"You are sure?" the maid asked. Raven merely nodded in response and the carriage jolted.

The ride continued in silence. Or, at least until Raven could contain her curiosity no longer.

Finally, she blurted out, "Pray, tell me what is our destination?'

"Are you sure you are well?" the maid asked.

"Absolutely positive," Raven replied. "It is just for the life of me, I cannot remember where we are going."

"You have just been finished, so we travel to your guardian’s estate, Summerhaven."

"And my guardians are?" Raven persisted.

"You must have hit your head when we passed over that rock a mile back. You are staying with your uncle, Sir Henry Loring."

"And have I any cousins?"

"Lady Roth, perhaps you have come down with something. You have two cousins, Edmund and Mary. If you’ve forgotten so much, why don't you just read your diary?" The maid handed Raven a small, leather-bound book from underneath the seat cushion. Raven opened it and found, to her surprise, her own handwriting scrawled across the pages. But, she was in a very strange world now, so she supposed it didn't matter the length of strangeness. Raven perused the diary, quickly flipping through the pages and learning the details of Lady Roth’s exciting life before a wave of exhaustion passed over her and she slipped back into a comfortable slumber.

 


	5. Beast Boy Sleeps In . . . Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven sleeps through attempted robbery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I'm extremely joyful to find you here again. Of course, I can't actually see you through the computer--that would be quite strange. Reminds me of the song "Somebody's Watching Me". Bespectacled_Geek has it on her computer and I just couldn't refrain myself from listening today when she went to the water park. Nope, I'm just assuming you are reading this author's note instead of just skipping to the story. But, as already stated, I have no way of knowing for sure.
> 
> Unlike most of my notes, this one is quite short. I'll just finish here now.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK

The following morning dawned bright and early. Starfire bounded down the steps two at a time, wondering what had happened to Lady Rachel since yesterday. Granted, she did not understand most of the story, but she believed that soon she would. She only had to figure what genre this was, then everything would be smooth sailing.

“I am ready for the book of reading—“ Starfire shouted as she skipped into the living room, but stopped short as she noticed Cyborg reclining on the sofa.

"Friend Cyborg, Beast Boy is still sleeping?”

"Yep,” Cyborg replied.

Starfire sunk onto the couch next to him. 

"Perhaps for the Christmas we should give him the clock of alarm? That would wake him, would it not?"

"Probably not," Cyborg responded. "It would take a bulldozer to wake him up."

"How about we just bring him down here?" Starfire suggested.

"Normally I wouldn't dare go into his den, but I'm too curious. Let's go." Starfire floated to the elevator, humming a traditional Tamaranean war song in preparation for the quest to wake Beast Boy before 10:30 am. Cyborg shook his head but followed.

* * *

 

I, for one, am quite glad that I have never had the _extreme pleasure_  of entering Beast Boy's room under any circumstances. From what I have observed deep within the recesses of Starfire's and Cyborg's minds, the experience was quite traumatic. Personally, I would not enjoy being traumatized by the event. However, I am a book and therefore have no senses. Thus, I would not feel anything in a change of environments. Still, I am glad not to have entered it all the same.

Now, for the sake of the story, I am going to have to describe the horrible deathtrap that is Beast Boy's room. Hopefully, you won't be scarred for life by reading my description. But in the event you experience some sort damage, I have included a release form.

 _I, the reader, hereby state that **THE BOOK**_   _is not responsible for any injuries to myself incurred from reading its narrative._

_(Print Name) (Signature) (Date)_

There. Now that you have signed the release form, I can continue. Imagine a junkyard full of refuse and waste. The overpowering smell of rotting vegetables fills the air. Now magnify that smell three times. You now have the stench that poured through the cracks of the door.

Cyborg and Starfire stood in front of that putrid door. Cyborg poked the doorknob. It seemed harmless enough, but sometimes doorknobs hide lethal weapons.

"Beast Boy, you in there?" Cyborg whispered as he pushed the door open. The growing shaft of light illuminated a half-eaten slice of vegan pizza, a deck of Pokemon cards, and the red power ranger action figure. Cyborg cringed at the sight of meatless pizza, then stepped onto the supposedly wooden floor, dodging a deck of playing cards and a precariously perched pile of dirty laundry.

"Now if I were a Beast Boy, where would I be?" Cyborg mumbled. He lifted an empty pudding cup, flinging it away when the raisins started to move.

"How about there?" Starfire suggested, pointing to a beanbag chair in the corner. Beast Boy lay sprawled across it, PS2 controller still in hand.

"Figures," Cyborg muttered. He and Starfire somehow avoided all the clutter on the floor as they made their way over. Cyborg snatched him off the chair and slung him over his shoulder. Tiny droplets of drool dropped from his gaping mouth and pooled on Cyborg's shoulder.

"Good. Now we just have to get back out," Cyborg stated, not noticing the lake of saliva forming on his shoulder. He motioned for Starfire to follow him. Painstakingly, he tried to create a path that would not lead to pain.

Several excruciatingly painful injuries later, Cyborg and Starfire stumbled out of the "Mess of DOOM" and headed back to the kitchen. Cyborg dropped Beast Boy on a couch, and somehow he kept sleeping.

Starfire's stomach growled. Rifling through the refrigerator, she searched for the perfect pudding to sate her hunger and wake Beast Boy. 

"Ahh! I'm awake! I'm awake!" Beast Boy shouted, wide-eyed. Startled, Starfire dropped her pudding. "Just don't feed me any of the dreaded pudding!"

Beast Boy sat up suddenly.

"How'd I get down here?"

"You don't even want to know," Cyborg answered. "And by the way, you might want to clean your room." Beast Boy shrugged his shoulders and picked **_THE BOOK_** off the table.

* * *

 

_Chapter Two_

_The roads of the countryside of England are nowhere for a respectable lady to be at night. Nonetheless, Claire had been instructed by Sir Henry Loring to arrive at Summerhaven as fast as possible, so the carriage crept on in silence through the twilight. Lady Rachel snored softly on Claire’s shoulder, unaware of any danger._

_Claire had heard tales of the highwaymen that prowled the road at this time of night. Claire tried to remain not in the least bit frightened, but that was easier said than done._

_The carriage halted suddenly. The coachman screamed as Claire heard two thunks on the top of the carriage._

_. Claire clutched her mistress closer_ _. The man chuckled._

" _Hey boss, you should have a look in there. There's two dames inside, and one of them is rich **and** a right pretty thing too."_

" _Indeed," a voice replied. "I do believe my services are required."_

* * *

_Mr. Shepherd was not always a crime lord. His reign as King of Thugs started around his late teens. He tried to walk down the straight and narrow to impress the only girl who wasn't absolutely petrified in his presence. Of course, that plan ended the moment she revealed her engagement to another man. Mr. Shepherd returned to his life of crime,  starting off by kidnapping the very one who had the nerve to reject him. Her fiancé had rescued her, but Mr. Shepherd evaded capture to become the ringleader of the largest crime ring in England._

_He'd taken to supervising some of the heists himself when he wasn't off stalking Mrs. Avon, which was how he found himself in front of Lady Rachel's stalled carriage._

* * *

  _Mr. Shepherd whipped the door open. Claire shrank into the farthest corner of the carriage, pulling Rachel with her._

" _That is one pretty gal," Mr. Shepherd whistled._

" _What are you going to do?" Claire stuttered._

_"I don’t know yet.” Mr. Shepherd ducked inside the carriage, fingering the velvet lined walls. “How rich is she?"_

_Claire hesitated. Mr. Shepherd reached for his pistol._

" _She has fifty thousand pounds," Claire answered quickly._

_"Pretty and extremely rich…” Mr. Shepherd stroked his beard. “That's not a common combination these days."_

" _Please, sir, what do you want?” Claire asked._

" _I don't know the particulars," he replied, eyes poring over every inch of Lady Rachel, lingering in certain places. "I suppose I shall have to have my way with her." Mr. Shepherd crept toward Lady Rachel like a vulture approaching a carcass. He licked his lips and grabbed at her skirts._

" _You'll go no further." A voice commanded. Mr. Shepherd stilled, and turned around._

" _Who's there?" Mr. Shepherd asked, peering off into the darkness._

" _No one of importance," The voice replied, from the opposite direction. Mr. Shepherd whirled, brandishing his pistol._

" _Show yourself!" He commanded._

_Suddenly Nightwing burst in through the open door and knocked Mr. Shepherd to the ground._

* * *

Blinking,  Raven rubbed the sleep from her eyes. She felt comfortable on the bed. A small fire burned in the corner of the room. Her cases lay against the wall next to the bed. She sat up, instantly wary. Footsteps sounded in the corridor outside, along with hushed voices. Raven fell back to the bed and pretended to sleep.

“Keep her safe,” a man’s voice whispered as he entered the room. “Stay off the road at night.”

“I will, sir. Thank you,” Claire replied.

Raven felt the bed sink as someone got in on the other side.

"You know," the man spoke again. "Except for the hair, she could be the identical twin of a good friend of mine. I haven't seen her in six years… not since the incident…" he trailed off.

"But who knows? Maybe Lady Roth is my friend, but I cannot stay. Good night." Raven heard a screech as the window latch opened and Claire blew out the candle on the bedside table. Soon, Claire snored, clinging to the blanket. Raven rolled over and stared at the ceiling, wishing sleep would overtake her once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I knew I shouldn't have been so ambitious. I have been applying for work this week, and I may have also started planning my next story . . . I will try and finish as much as I can this week.


	6. Raven Goes to Church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven learns of last night's mysterious events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I apologize most sincerely for the lack of update last Friday. The truth is, I had prepared the component for instant update on Friday, but the darn snickerdoodle Document Manager wouldn't let me! Again, I must convey how much that event saddened me.  
> Some of you may be wondering what I sound like, but I am afraid I must confess I'm not entirely sure. I have only spoken at O'Dark Thirty to avoid arousing suspicion, but what I have observed from my tone is this: it's English. I don't know why. In all my years of traveling, I do not particularly remember having visited the United Kingdom.
> 
> Speaking of life's little quirks, has anyone thought of a name for me? It is dreadfully odious to have to call oneself THE BOOK all the time. If any of you wonderful readers have a suggestion, please, don't hesitate to inform me.
> 
> It seems I have begun to ramble again. I really must cure myself of this habit.  
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK
> 
> PS: I apologize for the lateness of this chapter. Band Geek Letter 1 returned me to the Library of Congress and it was very hard to convince her to pick me back up.

Shivering, Raven snatched her blanket closer. Rolling to her side, she curled up snuggled the blanket tighter. Comfortable in her cocoon, she felt herself begin to drift off again when the door slammed open.

"Good morning, miss," Claire greeted. Grumbling, Raven pulled her pillow over her head to block out the noise. Claire dropped something on the night table beside the bed before walking to the window. The rings clinked against the rod as she pulled the curtains open, sending golden sunlight streaming in through the warped windowpanes.

“I’ve brought your breakfast.”

Raven groaned before shoving herself up. She kicked the warm blankets off, hoping the crisp morning air would revive her.

“Good morning to you too,” Raven groused as she stretched, stifling a yawn and rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Claire handed her the tray from the table.

“How are you feeling?”

"I'm absolutely fine," Raven answered, taking the spoon the tray and eyeing the fresh cinnamon oatmeal and ripe strawberries.

"Are you sure? You went through quite the ordeal yesterday."

"Really?" Raven raised her eyebrows. "I don't remember anything. Of course, I was quite tired."

"I see.” Claire picked up her dress from last night to fold it.  “Some highwaymen attacked us on the road. They would have taken everything if Nightwing had not shown up. He saved your purse, and your virtue too.”

"My virtue?" Raven choked on a spoonful of oatmeal.

"Yes," Claire replied as she laid the dress into Raven's trunk. "He's a hero, you know. He brought us to this inn."

Raven gulped her orange juice. "What was his name again?"

"Nightwing.”

"Tell me, what does he look like?"

"Oh, he is a most handsome. He is very tall, with dark hair. Other than that, I cannot say more. His mask coupled with the darkness obscured much of his face."

"Does he have another name? I should like to reward him." Raven bit into a piece of toast as Claire laid out her dress for the day.

“I am sure he does, miss, but no one knows it. Thus, the mask."

"Well, that's too bad. How am I ever to thank him now?"

"I don't know," Claire replied. "Now hurry up and finish your breakfast."

"Where do we have to go in such a hurry?"

"Why it's Sunday, miss. We're going to Church."

"Church?" Raven's voice lurched.

"Yes miss, like you always go to on Sundays."

"Right… I’m sure the ride yesterday must have just addled my brain."

"Don't be too long," Claire ordered, leaving the room to allow Raven some privacy.

* * *

 

Raven stood in front of the ----shire chapel, daunted by the large mahogany doors. For some of us, entering a church is something we do on a regular basis, but for Raven it was different. It was the first time she'd even walked in close proximity to a church, let alone enter it. She held her hand up to the handle, waiting for God to smite her for daring to think a half-demon such as herself could even think of crossing the threshold.

"Come on, milady," Claire reached past her to the handle. The door creaked as it swung open. Chestnut pews crowded the Tudor-style church. Claire walked inside and motioned for Raven to follow. Raven clutched her purse for security and stepped past the threshold. Squeezing her eyes shut, she waited for the inevitable destruction of her soul, but when nothing happened, Raven opened her eyes to see the minister stepping out to the pulpit. She scurried to the last pew and took her seat beside Claire. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so short. Oh dear. I haven't been revising due to my job search, which just ended yesterday, and I will be employed starting tomorrow. Yay for more money, boo for less writing time. I just wanted to get something out before a lot of my time is eaten up by my job. Don't fret though, I said I was going to finish this, and since I don't have homework to do, I can work on revising the next chapter after work.


	7. Raven Meets Her Cousins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raven arrives at Summerhaven and meets her family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> Since starting school, Band Geek Letter 1 has dragged me everywhere imaginable. All I have to say is Band people are really strange.
> 
> Some of you may be wondering about the chapter before last when Raven's mysterious rescuer appeared and said it had been six years since he'd seen his friend. Remember, an evil wizard created me. Time moves differently in me than in the real world. It's kind of like in The Chronicles of Narnia. (And believe me, I've been to Narnia. When I was in the possession of the deceitful merchant in Transylvania, said merchant sent me to his nephew in Bulgaria, who turned out to be the Magician on the Island of the Monopods. I was the magical book in the back room.)  
> I believe it is time to begin.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK

On the eighth day of the journey, the wooden wheels of Raven’s carriage rumbled along the dirt drive in front of Summerhaven, an imposing brick manor, built centuries ago by the first noble Lorrings shortly after the reign of Henry the VII. Raven tapped her fingers along the railing as she looked out the window in the carriage door at the Summerhaven grounds. A shimmering lake peeked out at her from beyond the trees that lined the drive. When the carriage pulled into the circle in front of the ocher manor.

Lavender dress trailing behind her, Raven stepped out of the carriage onto the steps that lead to the immense white portico. A tiny hand drew back the lace curtain in one of the windows next to the door. Raven peered closer, but couldn’t make out any features before the mysterious figure dropped the curtain. She started as Claire slammed the carriage door closed behind them and scrambled up the stairs under the weight of Raven’s cumbersome suitcases.

“Are you alright?” Raven asked.

“I’m fine; don’t worry about me.” Claire stretched after setting down the suitcases.

Raven shrugged and lifted her hand to knock on the big blue door, but the door swung open with a creek before she could.

“Lady Roth, I presume," a grim-faced butler greeted her. "Please come in." He gestured into the foyer.

“Yes.” Raven crossed the threshold. “I hope I’m not too early.” Claire followed, setting Raven’s suitcases down on the marble floor. The butler closed the door behind them. Raven wandered through the foyer, examining the artwork hanging on the evergreen walls clutching the drawstrings on her purse tight. She stopped in front of a painting of a little girl with golden red curls cascading down her back and a pair of gold-rimmed spectacles on her nose. Raven leaned in closer to get a better look at the girl’s familiar green eyes when a pair of redheaded blurs tackled her into a crushing embrace, not unlike Starfire’s.

"Cousin Rachel!" One of the perpetrators, a bespectacled girl who resembled the one in the painting, shouted. "It's been so long!" The second criminal guilty of scaring the living daylights out of Raven, a tall man with bright eyes gave her a tight squeeze before backing away to allow her to breathe.

Raven eyed the man.

"Can it be that you do not remember your favorite cousin?" the man exclaimed.

"Oh hush Edmund!" The girl, who still held Raven in her viselike grip, admonished. "I'm her favorite cousin. Am I not correct?"

"Believe what you will, Mary.”

"But surely you recognize us?" Mary asked, and finally released Raven.

"Well, um… no…" Raven admitted, rubbing her shoulder to relieve some of the pressure.

Mary gasped.

"I'm sorry I don't recall such interesting people, but the truth is, I don't remember much at all. I had an accident on the way here.”

"You don't think?" Mary turned to her brother, who lifted his eyebrows in return.

“Obviously the fair folk abducted our cousin and took her to their underground city, where a single sip of water from the magic spring caused her present amnesia.

"Really?" Raven laughed. "Are you sure I wasn't sucked into a vortex of terror into a book with magical qualities?"

"Nonsense, dear Rachel," Edmund assured her with a wave of his hand. "Where would you come up with such a silly idea?"

"She was imaginative as a child," Mary reminded him. "Remember Aquadontia?"

"Oh, right," Edmund remarked. “I nearly forgot about our old imaginary world. Didn't we dig a tunnel through the bathroom cupboard?"

"Yes! And Rachel was Queen of Aquadontia," Mary continued. “You were the king, and there were all these petite lawn gnomes!"

"Dear sister," he reprimanded "We must not forget our fair cos, who is having an unfortunate lapse in memory."

"Right," Mary answered. “Jenkins, please send for our parents. Tell them Cousin Rachel has arrived."

The grim-faced butler bowed, slipping out of the foyer without a sound.

"Miss, your parents," He returned a few moments later with a middle-aged couple

"My dear Rachel!" the woman shouted. “I’ve just heard the news.” She pulled Raven into a tight embrace. “You poor dear, let me get a good look at you.” The woman stepped back, searching Raven’s countenance for any sign of recognition. I know you don't remember me, but I'm your aunt, Genevieve.”She gestured to her husband standing next to their children. “This is your uncle Henry. Don't be afraid to ask us any questions you may have, my dear.”

“Thank you, Aunt Genevieve.” Raven curtsied.

“Now, I know you just got here,” Aunt Genevieve clapped her hands together, “but I saw the most luxurious lavender silk at the dressmaker's shop in town today. You simply must come along! Mary, grab your bonnet. I saw a nice purse as well, one that matches your yellow muslin.”

Mary fetched her bonnet off the hall tree across from the painting and tied it quick as a wink, ready to head to town.

“Miss, if you will please follow me.” The butler grabbed one of the suitcases at Claire’s feet and showed her up the servant’s staircase while Raven followed her aunt and cousin out the front door into the blinding English sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am literally the worst. I don't know how you all put up with my really weird upload schedule, which is to say, there isn't one. I'll try to post another update soon, but who knows when that will happen as I'm also working on something else right now. But cross your fingers!
> 
> Also sorry for how short this is . . .


	8. Something Unexpected Occurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's about to get a lot more ridiculous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader,
> 
> I must apologize for the delay… again. As you may very well know, Band Geek Letter 1 leads a hectic lifestyle. To this day I still wonder at the necessity of bringing me to dance class. All I do is sit in her cubby and attempt to have an intelligent telepathic conversation with her Pointe shoes (which I have found to be an unfruitful pursuit. Pointe shoes are hopelessly hardheaded and opinionated. I advise you all, never speak with a pair of Pointe shoes.) But I digress. 
> 
> Sincerely,  
> THE BOOK
> 
> PS: The following installment features me as a character. I have chosen to refer to myself in the third person. I always have the instinct to tell about myself, instead of show, and to avert such disaster, that was the solution.

"I don't get it," Cyborg complained as Beast Boy shut _**THE BOOK**_ for the 175th day in a row. "The only thing Raven's done in the past sixth months is drink tea, go shopping, and dance! I don't know about y'all, but I'm tired of waiting. How in the world are we supposed to get her out!"

  
"I don't know," Beast Boy replied, setting _**THE BOOK**_ on the coffee table. "I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

  
It was at this precise moment that the SWAT team arrived.

* * *

 

CRACK. The ceiling shattered as burly men in black swung in on thin wires, assault rifles slung across their backs. Beast Boy held his arms above his head to shield himself from the falling glass. The SWAT team landed on the floor with an audible crunch. They raised their rifles on impact.

"Beast Boy, what did you do this time?" Cyborg raised his arms in surrender.

”Nothing!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "I swear, absolutely nothing!"

"Sir," the leader of the team signaled to Cyborg. "My name is Sergeant Fluffle, and I understand that you have an extremely rare and dangerous book in your possession. We have a warrant for its immediate arrest. If you object, you face a minimum of one year in prison for obstruction of justice."

Everyone stood silent for a moment before exploding in laughter.

"Your name is Fluffle?" Cyborg guffawed, slapping his metal knee.

Sergeant Fluffle rolled his eyes. "Yes, it is. Do I have to deal with it every time I make an arrest?"

The Titans ceased laughing.

"Now, _**THE BOOK**_?" The sergeant reminded him.

"What book?" Beast Boy asked.

"The one we were just discussing."

"I thought we were laughing at your name."

"Its former owner was a supervillainess?"

"Doesn't ring a bell."

"It's cobalt?"

"What's cobalt?"

"Blue."

"Oh, I'm sure Raven has plenty of blue books in her room."

The sergeant smacked his face.

“I can show you her room," Beast Boy offered. "Although I don't think she would appreciate random government agents going through her things."

"Sure," the sergeant agreed. Beast Boy stepped aside, accidentally revealing the location of _**THE BOOK.**_

"Sir," a subordinate began. "Is this the book in question?" He pointed to _**THE BOOK**_ resting on the coffee table.

"By golly, it is!" the sergeant exclaimed, shoving the Titans aside. He gently removed _**THE BOOK**_ from its resting place to examine it more closely, comparing it with a mug shot. "I'm taking it into custody. Thanks for the help," Sergeant Fluffle added. He clapped a large chain around _**THE BOOK**_ and secured it with a combination lock. The entire SWAT team rehooked themselves, and before long the only residue of their strange visit was the glass scattered on the floor.

Starfire burst into tears. She grabbed the nearest huggable object and gave it a bone-crunching hug. Unfortunately, this object was Beast Boy.

"Can't… breathe…" He squeaked.

"Oh! Now how will our friends ever regain their freedom!" Starfire bawled.

"Don't worry, I'll get that book back," Cyborg assured her as he flew off after _**THE BOOK**_ 's captors.

* * *

 

Minutes later _**THE BOOK**_ was strapped uncomfortably in the back of a squad car. Each man on either side pointed a gun at _**THE BOOK**_ as if at any moment it would escape from its bonds and hop out the car. Sergeant Fluffle sat straight as a pin in the passenger seat, lecturing _**THE BOO** **K**_.

"It's debatable whether you can be considered a legal alien, but the law requires that I read your rights before you appear in criminal court," he explained. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney, and to have an attorney present during any questioning. If you cannot afford a lawyer, one will be provided for you at government expense. Do you understand?"

_**THE BOOK**_ merely sat there, propped up against the car seat.

"Good."

It was a long drive from Jump City to Sacramento, but at last, they arrived at the State Courthouse. The sergeant pushed open his door and had the armed guard on the right exit the vehicle to allow _**THE BOOK**_ easier passage. When THE BOOK did not make a move, the other man poked it with his rifle. _**THE BOOK**_ fell over onto the seat. Undeterred by _**THE BOOK**_ 's lack of mobility, Sergeant Fluffle picked the volume up, carried it into the Courtroom and placed it on the Defense's table.

A man was already seated at the table. He had placed several manilla folders full of files in one corner of the desk.

The man stuck out his hand and introduced himself. "Hello, THE BOOK. My name is Harvey Williams, and I will be your defense attorney for the proceedings." When THE BOOK made no attempt to shake his outstretched hand, Harvey brought it back in awkwardly, pushing his thick-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose. "So, how would you like me to defend you?"

"I can help you with that," Cyborg panted, running into the room.

“Who are you?"

"Name's Cyborg. I'm one of THE BOOK's current owners. Ask me anything you need to know."

* * *

 

Back at the Tower, Beast Boy paced the floor anxiously.

"What's taking him so long?" He wondered.

"Um, Friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked cautiously, dumping the last of the shards into a trashcan.

"What!" Beast Boy snapped. Starfire's eyes filled with tears.

"Sorry, Star," Beast Boy apologized. "I didn't mean to snap. It's just… I'm so worried, you know?" Starfire nodded.

"So, what did you want?" He asked her in a much gentler tone.

"I wondered if perhaps you could explain this concept of the 'Drawing Room Comedy' to me. Even after all these months it still is alien to me."

"Oh, of course!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "Have you read _Pride and Prejudice_?"

"Yes," Starfire blushed sheepishly. "But it has thoroughly confused me. Elizabeth claims to despise Mr. Darcy, yet she marries him! It does not make sense!"

"Well," Beast Boy explained. "This is because Elizabeth refused to admit to herself that she was prejudiced against Mr. Darcy. She thought he was a pompous, stuck-up snob."

"But he was not?" Starfire injected.

"Correct. Near the end of the novel, she realized that they weren't so different after all and that she loved him. That's one type of Drawing Room Comedy. The other kind is where the heroine loves one man, but something keeps them apart for the duration of the story."

"I still do not comprehend," Starfire said after a period of intense thought.

"In that case, why don't we watch the movies? I have the entire Jane Austen collection on DVD in my room!" Beast Boy turned and ran to his room, thankful to have something to keep his mind off things.

"Shall I do the popping of the corn?" Starfire asked his retreating figure.

"Sure."

"Great! And we shall also enjoy the Pudding of Comprehension!" Starfire added.

"On second thought, I think we should just stick to the popcorn…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to develop a habit of of writing everyday for at least thirty minutes; sometimes on this, sometimes on some of the other things I'm working on. In any case, some day this will be finished. I'm terrible about keeping any sort of posting schedule so this will just get posted whenever I've got the time for it.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I realized I started this fic seven years ago and I still haven't finished it. However, since it's been so long my writing style has changed immensely. While the plot won't change, I'm revising my work before I post the new chapters I'm working on. Chapters 1-20 are already posted on Fanfiction.net if you desperately want to know what happens. I hope to have Chapter 21 posted by the end of the week, and from then on it should update weekly until I finally finish. If I don't, please keep pestering me until I do.


End file.
